TRANSFORMATION - Apr 2010
My grandfather died shortly after retiring. I have read that many men have a hard time with retirement. Some even have health problems and, like my grandfather, die shortly after retiring. Maybe in his case it was just a coincidence; I was too young to ask questions about transformation and coping.
But I did note later on, when I was working as a chaplain in a Denver hospital, the number of freshly retired men who ended up in the critical care unit there. They often came in with heart attacks or ski injuries, sometimes both. Major life transitions, such as retirement, are stressful, requiring a fundamental level of transformation.
Transformation implies change on a fundamental level. What that change is depends, of course, on the individual.
I’m going to take an educated guess that the biggest barrier to transformation is denial. Denial is usually the coping mechanism of choice when people are faced with unpleasant truths. There are the parents who refuse to see their kid’s drug issues: “That’s oregano in the bag under the bed.” The spouse who refuses to hear the plea for professional therapy: “We can solve this on our own.” The politician who turns his back on the oppression of gays and lesbians in the military: “They would undermine morality and unit cohesion.”
People respond with denial when faced with a truth that threatens something they hold dear, even if what they’re sure about is really not true. Of course, denial is necessarily unconscious. If we knew we were denying something, we’d know we were living a lie -- and denial would no longer be providing its protective layer.
Most of us strive to protect our positive self image. Admitting a mistake would make us feel ashamed, and that can be too devastating. So we ignore the evidence of the kid taking drugs, of trouble in the marriage, or of legalized oppression. On we go in our own version of reality. That’s especially the case for someone with low self-esteem. A stronger self image can take the impact of mistakes, hopefully with grace.
The spiritual component of transformation involves living an authentic life of integrity, courage and love. A metaphor I like, derived from the Easter transformation/resurrection story, is removing the rock to allow in the light. One of the conversations I had with patients in that Denver hospital was with a recently retired man who had a heart attack while skiing at 10,000 feet. Our conversation was about his recognition that he had spent his whole working life being someone he didn’t like. He recovered and was released, but I couldn’t tell if he was ready to remove the stone from all that he kept in his cave.
The story of Easter is about allowing the light of transformation into the dark parts of our lives.
Blessings, Kate Walker
Transformation implies change on a fundamental level. What that change is depends, of course, on the individual.
I’m going to take an educated guess that the biggest barrier to transformation is denial. Denial is usually the coping mechanism of choice when people are faced with unpleasant truths. There are the parents who refuse to see their kid’s drug issues: “That’s oregano in the bag under the bed.” The spouse who refuses to hear the plea for professional therapy: “We can solve this on our own.” The politician who turns his back on the oppression of gays and lesbians in the military: “They would undermine morality and unit cohesion.”
People respond with denial when faced with a truth that threatens something they hold dear, even if what they’re sure about is really not true. Of course, denial is necessarily unconscious. If we knew we were denying something, we’d know we were living a lie -- and denial would no longer be providing its protective layer.
Most of us strive to protect our positive self image. Admitting a mistake would make us feel ashamed, and that can be too devastating. So we ignore the evidence of the kid taking drugs, of trouble in the marriage, or of legalized oppression. On we go in our own version of reality. That’s especially the case for someone with low self-esteem. A stronger self image can take the impact of mistakes, hopefully with grace.
The spiritual component of transformation involves living an authentic life of integrity, courage and love. A metaphor I like, derived from the Easter transformation/resurrection story, is removing the rock to allow in the light. One of the conversations I had with patients in that Denver hospital was with a recently retired man who had a heart attack while skiing at 10,000 feet. Our conversation was about his recognition that he had spent his whole working life being someone he didn’t like. He recovered and was released, but I couldn’t tell if he was ready to remove the stone from all that he kept in his cave.
The story of Easter is about allowing the light of transformation into the dark parts of our lives.
Blessings, Kate Walker
